"I do not claim that I can tell a story as it ought to be told. I only claim to know how a story ought to be told." -Mark Twain









1.17.2011

Stuck in a Rut

Not only am I stuck in a rut, but right now, I am wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy busier than I like to be. 

I have not created anything or cooked anything worth sharing. My creative mode is in winter hibernation.

My rut is: I have cold weather, post-holiday, please-hurry-up-summer syndrome. I really don't have anything to complain about weather-wise, as we have only had two days of really cold weather.  Even then our "really cold" weather is grossly overrated in comparison to many of you.  We have had a smattering of snowflakes.  They were in fact so small, that if you weren't looking for them you would have missed them.  But none the less, if you have read this blog for long you know that I am a Summer Girl and I live for the summer heat and sun.  I crave it.  I need it.  There truly is something to that research about people that have to have light.  That is me. I need light and I need it to be that big ball of sun!

My holidays were also wonderful.  There is nothing there to complain about. I got much more than I deserved and celebrated Christmas several times over. 

I also just had my birthday (on January 13th) and by the time this past weekend was over, I had celebrated that several times as well.  While I GASP at the age the NUMBERS show beside my age, I do not FEEL that NUMBER.  So, it doesn't really bother me.  (Or one could probably call that TOTAL DENIAL!!)

There has only been one glitch in my life recently, and it is what sent me into a funk.  I keep telling myself to find my way out, but telling and doing are certainly two different things.

Again, if you have read the blog for long, you know that we moved back to Oklahoma (our home state) after having lived and raised our five children in the furthermost northeast part of Kansas. We had a wonderful life there and a great old Victorian home. When we moved back we rented a home while we decided where we would put down what we figured would be our "final roots".  That was 2 1/2 years ago.  We started looking at homes about a year ago, and finally found one that when I walked in, I KNEW it was THE ONE.  I had no question.  It was THE HOME.  It was absolutely perfect for my family today and for my family ten years down the road. It fit all our needs. It was a foreclosed home, so we were dealing with all those issues as well as a few others. Every single day I prayed that things would work out.  Finally, after about four months, I thought they were. We did not tell a soul, because I did not want to "jinx" getting the house.  People behind the scenes worked insanely hard for me, because my dream was to have my little (ok, large) family in the home by Christmas morning.  Closing was set for the 15th.  Then closing got moved to the 17th.  That was still fine with me because I was on Christmas break from school, and it would be perfect timing. 

Then we found out there would be no closing. 

And I cried. And cried. And pouted. And felt sorry for myself for one solid month. They say foreclosures are a mess, and I guess they are right. There was a (what they thought originally would be minor) glitch, that at the end turned MAJOR.  And the house could no longer be on the market to sell. And I am still pouting. 

I know, I know. I have heard the "it wasn't meant to be" and "there are lots of other houses out there" but I don't want to hear any of those right now. I want to pout and have a pity party. So that is where I am. Still being the belle of my own pity party. In my rent house. 

That is my rut.... Now the wayyyyyyyy busier than I want to be has to do with my job.

For one thing, I teach high school English. That is enough to stay busy at all times. Plus, our state assessments are only months away and in our state if MY students do not pass their English assessments, they will NOT get their high school diploma. (No pressure there as a teacher!!!)

   In addition, any time you sign on to "teach" students, there is a whole different side of education that most people don't see.  That is called the extra-curricular duty.  It is the stuff that will wear a person out! ha!! (Especially if a person is worn out from her pity party!) One day a week I have to do Cafeteria Duty in the morning and at lunch.  It might not sound like much, but 1. there is no pay and 2. you are giving up precious free time when there is much else to do in the classroom.  
Then I am also a class sponsor at the high school level and that involves fund-raising and basically just sponsoring the class. The grade level I sponsor does all the home high school and middle school basketball games concession stands.  So, another teacher and I have to "sponsor" or "supervise" or "direct" the students two or three nights per week at the concession stands.  Let me tell you....the concession stands are an insane amount of work. I spend all kinds of time ordering, assessing inventory, going to pick things up, and then setting up....All this before we ever sell a single bag of anything!  The concession stands make for very long nights (at the school) and very short nights (at my home). I usually don't get home till 10:30 or after. And we do this two or three nights per week!  But, such is the life of a schoolteacher! 
All this verbiage to explain where I have been since the week before Christmas.  My posts have been sporadic at best.  
I decided last night that all that pouting was getting me nowhere and I needed to find my creative mojo again, and to actually DO something about it and not just think about it. 
So, my plan for tonight, (a non- basketball game night!) is to get a few projects started.  I might even make some cookies to eat while I work on my project....Now if this weather would cooperate and turn into that hot, blazing sun..........

4 comments:

  1. Anonymous1/17/2011

    Aw, man. That really sucks. I don't blame you for being upset and unhappy.
    Go ahead and pout. It's the only thing that'll make you feel better.
    I'll pout, too.

    ReplyDelete
  2. hi lori!

    oh dear about the house...but hopefully another one - an even BETTER one - will come your way. fingers crossed! gadzooks..i had no idea you taught english! now don't be grading my posts, ya hear? giggle.

    i hope you had some creative time to enjoy. i won't tell you i have been sewing..nope.

    just remember to live in the moment and don't let things get you too stressed out. this to shall pass.

    xoxo
    becky

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh, I'm sorry Lo. I know it sucks.
    I have been wondering where you were. I have been missing you!
    LY
    Li

    ReplyDelete
  4. Ah,Lori! I'm so sorry about the house and the down feelings your are having. I know what you mean about the stress of that extra duty. I too went through it. Some days there was no break from 7 am to after 10 and then you had to get up and do it all over again. I admire how you are determined to bring yourself out of your feelings. Take care and hopefully this will pass swiftly.

    ReplyDelete

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