How my scissors and hammer saved my life....Well maybe not that drastic..but still!!!

 Today I was bound and determined to

get my patriotic swags up.

My daughter and I had started it last week

(as in dragging the ladder around to the front)

but we never got a single swag swagged.

Sooooo today was the day.

(If I had been really on the ball, I could have had them up for Memorial Day, Flag Day and the 4th of July!)

Maybe next year.

 I got all the swags on the front porch....

then I had to face my demons.

I had to go and work on the upstairs balcony.

This house has three.

I have never been on a single one of them.

I am one of those scaredy-cats that

cannot stand heights.

Weird, I know...from a gal that stands 5'11!

Nevertheless, I had to get my

patriotic bunting bunted!

 These are the tools I took out on the balcony with me.

The balcony I was working on is off of the master bedroom.

It faces west. I was doing this project at 4 in the afternoon.

In Oklahoma.

Where the temps have not been below 91 degrees yet in June.

Today was triple digit.

I was barefoot.(because I am always barefoot).

I was in my swimsuit (because I wear a swimsuit every single day in the summer).

(You are finding out all kinds of things about me, huh?

And my swimsuit has a little skort. Don't worry.)

My plan was to be a big-girl about putting this bunting up.

Go out on the balcony. Wind some wires around.

Call it a day.

My entire family was gone.

Out of town in all different directions.

It was just me and the pups.

 And the triple digit Oklahoma sun.

(Please not, these pics were taken as a re-enactment, so the sun was actually bigger and brighter during my crisis!)

I was already having shallow-breathing problems

just being up on that balcony.

Then I realized what I had done.

But it was too late.

 The door handle to my pretty little balcony

does not have a pusher-in-thing

to open the door back up....

once a person is outside....

on the (very high) balcony.

I shut the door because I sure didn't want

my pups

following me out there.

That is just what I needed for them to be out

there running around.

I was having to hold on to the edges of the house

just to take a step!

So I laid all my supplies on the balcony floor,

eased myself out...

and shut the door.

Then I noticed the pusher-inner-thing was missing.

Actually there was a spring dangling from the (above pictured)

hole, but it fell out almost immediately

and I sure wasn't going to try and

stop it as it rolled off the balcony.

 OH MY GOSH!

I was stuck on the balcony.

It was hot.

I HATE heights.

No one would be back to my house for hours.

And........

 my phone and (more importantly)

my 44 oz. Sweet Tea were both inside

my room....sitting...on the dresser.

Just like they were mocking me.

 As you can see from a couple of pictures above,

I used my scissors to unscrew

every

single

screw

that held the door in place.

BUT the door would still not come off.

There was so much caulking it would not budge.

I could hear one of my neighbors out in his yard talking.

I thought about having him come over and

walk through my house

(braving the barking (attacking???!!) dogs)

and come to my bedroom

and open the door for me.

Then I remembered that since I was

home alone

I had locked the outside doors

before I headed upstairs.

Then I thought about hollering at the same neighbor

and having him call one of my children

(Lord have mercy, NOT my hubby)

and have them leave their jobs to

come and save their mama.

But I remembered I do not know a single one of my

children's cell phone numbers by memory.

And my phone was just inside my door.

Mocking me.

 Someone went by and honked.

A lot.

I wondered if they knew I was locked out

and they were mocking me too.

I was sweating.

A lot.

Both because it was hot and I was panting

from being up so high.

For a long time.

I got brave enough to stand and

actually yank the door latch.

Nothing.

It did not open

nor come off.

Not to mention I was actually scared it would...

and I would go flying backwards

off the balcony.

(I had several ugly scenarios going through my mind.)

(After all, I had two hours to think of things.)

 After a while

even my pups got bored.

They left me sitting there and went

back downstairs.

So much for loyalty!!

I thought about having that same neighbor I

could (still!!!) hear

call the local fire department

and have them bring their big ladder truck

to get me down.

But I knew that 1. that would be SO embarrassing

and 2. I would be too scared to climb down a ladder

that high.

Not to mention too embarrassing again.

I was contemplating taking the hammer I had

with me and just bashing the door in.

After all it was a completely glass door.

But then I thought of the mess....

and with my luck I would

somehow,

someway,

get majorly cut....

and then the ambulance would have to come and get me...

if I did not bleed out...

on that high up balcony.

All that would have been too embarrassing too.



This is how I have to keep the door shut now! Ha! Hubster told me I have to go back out on the balcony tomorrow ---when someone is home---and screw all those screws back into the door frame! UGH!!!



 Finally, I hung my bunting like I had

set out

to do.

I even hung

a swag

over the ill-tempered door.

Then I got my hammer....

and put the claw under the door handle....

and yanked as hard as I could.

Nothing.

I tried again.

Easy-peasy.

I was in.

The cold air from the inside about

knocked me

back onto the balcony!

It was a definite temperature swing!

By the time I tried all my (failed) attempts

to get back inside,

got everything hung up,

then FINALLY getting in,

it had been two hours.

For me.

On a high balcony.

When my Hubby got home many hours later

I told him the story.

I got the reaction I expected...

"Ohmygoshwhywouldyougooutonabalconywithnoonehome? ThatisthedumbestthingIhaveeverheardof.

Whatifsomethingwouldhavehappenedwhilenoonewashome?

Whydidin'tyoujustyankthedoorashardasyoucould?"

(Really...hmmmm..had not thought of that! NOT!)

I reminded him that living with me

never had been

never was

nor

never would be

boring.

And then I told him to go outside

and admire

the best

Stars and Stripes

on the block!

(At least in my hot-as-firecrackers-humble opinion!)

Linking this up with Wow It Wednesdays Blog Party. Check out the HUGE amount of summer blogs.