"I do not claim that I can tell a story as it ought to be told. I only claim to know how a story ought to be told." -Mark Twain


How my scissors and hammer saved my life....Well maybe not that drastic..but still!!!

 Today I was bound and determined to
get my patriotic swags up.
My daughter and I had started it last week
(as in dragging the ladder around to the front)
but we never got a single swag swagged.
Sooooo today was the day.
(If I had been really on the ball, I could have had them up for Memorial Day, Flag Day and the 4th of July!)
Maybe next year.

 I got all the swags on the front porch....
then I had to face my demons.
I had to go and work on the upstairs balcony.
This house has three.
I have never been on a single one of them.
I am one of those scaredy-cats that
cannot stand heights.
Weird, I know...from a gal that stands 5'11!
Nevertheless, I had to get my
patriotic bunting bunted!

 These are the tools I took out on the balcony with me.
The balcony I was working on is off of the master bedroom.
It faces west. I was doing this project at 4 in the afternoon.
In Oklahoma.
Where the temps have not been below 91 degrees yet in June.
Today was triple digit.
I was barefoot.(because I am always barefoot).
I was in my swimsuit (because I wear a swimsuit every single day in the summer).
(You are finding out all kinds of things about me, huh?
And my swimsuit has a little skort. Don't worry.)
My plan was to be a big-girl about putting this bunting up.
Go out on the balcony. Wind some wires around.
Call it a day.
My entire family was gone.
Out of town in all different directions.
It was just me and the pups.
 And the triple digit Oklahoma sun.
(Please not, these pics were taken as a re-enactment, so the sun was actually bigger and brighter during my crisis!)
I was already having shallow-breathing problems
just being up on that balcony.
Then I realized what I had done.
But it was too late.
 The door handle to my pretty little balcony
does not have a pusher-in-thing
to open the door back up....
once a person is outside....
on the (very high) balcony.
I shut the door because I sure didn't want
my pups
following me out there.
That is just what I needed for them to be out
there running around.
I was having to hold on to the edges of the house
just to take a step!
So I laid all my supplies on the balcony floor,
eased myself out...
and shut the door.
Then I noticed the pusher-inner-thing was missing.
Actually there was a spring dangling from the (above pictured)
hole, but it fell out almost immediately
and I sure wasn't going to try and
stop it as it rolled off the balcony.
I was stuck on the balcony.
It was hot.
I HATE heights.
No one would be back to my house for hours.
 my phone and (more importantly)
my 44 oz. Sweet Tea were both inside
my room....sitting...on the dresser.
Just like they were mocking me.
 As you can see from a couple of pictures above,
I used my scissors to unscrew
that held the door in place.
BUT the door would still not come off.
There was so much caulking it would not budge.
I could hear one of my neighbors out in his yard talking.
I thought about having him come over and
walk through my house
(braving the barking (attacking???!!) dogs)
and come to my bedroom
and open the door for me.
Then I remembered that since I was
home alone
I had locked the outside doors
before I headed upstairs.
Then I thought about hollering at the same neighbor
and having him call one of my children
(Lord have mercy, NOT my hubby)
and have them leave their jobs to
come and save their mama.
But I remembered I do not know a single one of my
children's cell phone numbers by memory.
And my phone was just inside my door.
Mocking me.

 Someone went by and honked.
A lot.
I wondered if they knew I was locked out
and they were mocking me too.
I was sweating.
A lot.
Both because it was hot and I was panting
from being up so high.
For a long time.
I got brave enough to stand and
actually yank the door latch.
It did not open
nor come off.
Not to mention I was actually scared it would...
and I would go flying backwards
off the balcony.
(I had several ugly scenarios going through my mind.)
(After all, I had two hours to think of things.)
 After a while
even my pups got bored.
They left me sitting there and went
back downstairs.
So much for loyalty!!
I thought about having that same neighbor I
could (still!!!) hear
call the local fire department
and have them bring their big ladder truck
to get me down.
But I knew that 1. that would be SO embarrassing
and 2. I would be too scared to climb down a ladder
that high.
Not to mention too embarrassing again.
I was contemplating taking the hammer I had
with me and just bashing the door in.
After all it was a completely glass door.
But then I thought of the mess....
and with my luck I would
get majorly cut....
and then the ambulance would have to come and get me...
if I did not bleed out...
on that high up balcony.
All that would have been too embarrassing too.

This is how I have to keep the door shut now! Ha! Hubster told me I have to go back out on the balcony tomorrow ---when someone is home---and screw all those screws back into the door frame! UGH!!!

 Finally, I hung my bunting like I had
set out
to do.
I even hung
a swag
over the ill-tempered door.
Then I got my hammer....
and put the claw under the door handle....
and yanked as hard as I could.
I tried again.
I was in.
The cold air from the inside about
knocked me
back onto the balcony!
It was a definite temperature swing!
By the time I tried all my (failed) attempts
to get back inside,
got everything hung up,
then FINALLY getting in,
it had been two hours.
For me.
On a high balcony.
When my Hubby got home many hours later
I told him the story.
I got the reaction I expected...
"Ohmygoshwhywouldyougooutonabalconywithnoonehome? ThatisthedumbestthingIhaveeverheardof.

(Really...hmmmm..had not thought of that! NOT!)

I reminded him that living with me
never had been
never was
never would be
And then I told him to go outside
and admire
the best
Stars and Stripes
on the block!
(At least in my hot-as-firecrackers-humble opinion!)
Linking this up with Wow It Wednesdays Blog Party. Check out the HUGE amount of summer blogs.


  1. Wow- The story is awesome and your life seems alot like mine- I can buggar up stuff so easy - I need to get better about laughing and sharing them like you Ms struck by lightning!!Your house is gorgeous. I wish we lived close-I know we'd be friends.
    Love your decorations and everything you've shared!!!
    Be blessed!

  2. Well, if it is any consolation, your house looks GREAT! :)

  3. What a story you had to tell! We've had triple digits for the past 2 days. I cannot imagine how tormented you were up there in the heat!

  4. So worth it girl!!!! Love your banners! I couldn't get the thumb tacks in my rails today. Oh well.


Welcome to my Big Story. You thought....


Related Posts with Thumbnails